So I found out I would become a mommy on June 1, 2021. I think that for most 21-year-old women who found out they were about to experience a completely unplanned pregnancy, their first reaction is *stress*. Rightfully so. But for some reason, I wasn't really all that stressed.... okay the moment I found out I was kind of in shock like what the heck is happening to me right now. But after the initial shock I was sort of.. hopeful, at the time I was in a place where I felt like everyone else in my life knew their purpose and who they wanted to be. And at that time I had no idea. So I guess when I found out I was pregnant my first thought, after the shock, of course, was now I have a purpose. Now I know what I want to be: a great mommy.
I know a lot of you guys aren't parents. However, I seriously feel like this is information that everyone should be informed of. Especially my ladies, but my guys as well. Having a headstart on this information could be really helpful. Not everything goes as planned. And even if it does, not everyone knows these are things they even need to be informed of. I didn't know any of this stuff until I was 6-7 months pregnant. I didn't know these were things i needed to know. So don't think just because you aren't a Mommy or a Daddy that this isn't for you. This information could really be a blessing to you. And if you're a Mommy or a soon-to-be Mommy, PLEASE read! lol, I don't want anyone to be uninformed like I was.
What they don't tell you
How important a support system is
Lemme tell you something, when I was giving birth my mother was touched by the HOLY SPIRIT okay? I mean she knew exactly what to say when I was right on the edge of giving up. I had a vaginal birth, mostly natural. I wanted to go fully natural but I wasn't physically prepared. Had I been more active during my pregnancy I might've had the energy to go all the way. However, if I didn't have my mom in there to support me and push me to strive for the birth I wanted, I would've failed immediately. Your support system is supposed to motivate you and help you get through your pregnancy, birth, and of course motherhood. And that doesn't mean they just have to babysit whenever you ask. Their main role is obviously, to support. Whatever it is that you need whether that be physically, emotionally, or mentally. Having people who will uplift you when you're feeling mentally drained, motivate you to get up and walk or stretch when your back hurts and help you breathe when you're having a breakdown are SO important. The journey into motherhood is a lot. And your mental state affects your baby. You want to be as healthy as you can be in all aspects.
How important rest is
Don't let these people fool you. Of course, everyone's body is different. But being pregnant takes A LOT out of you. Don't let these people call you lazy because you're exhausted after walking up some stairs. You are CARRYING AN ENTIRE HUMAN. Your body is working overtime 24/7. It is okay to rest. Don't get me wrong, you absolutely need to be active. It helps A LOT with delivery. But resting is just as important as being active. Listen to your body and do not overwork yourself. Whether you feel it or not your body is constantly working.
The importance of being active
Okay, to be honest, they may have told me this lol. However, I have to emphasize it because either it wasn't stressed enough to me, or I just didn't listen. And it could very well be the second option. Being active during pregnancy has lots of benefits, one being your health, of course, you wanna keep your body healthy because that keeps your baby healthy. The big benefit that I wish was stressed more to me is that it helps with the birth!!! Walking in itself helps loosen your cervix area and kind of wiggles the baby down in the last few weeks. But it builds your stamina! I truly think I did not make it all the way through my birth naturally because I was exhausted. Being active makes your body feel better, gives you more energy, helps the baby come on time, and helps with your overall health, it just helps with so much. Being active and Rest goes hand and hand.
" The Fourth Trimester "
Yea, postpartum is a whole nother trimester. Those first 6 weeks after giving birth are hard. Now everyone is different, some people heal faster than others. However, I believe every new mother needs all the help she can get during that last trimester after birth, as she did during pregnancy. Your body has just spent 9 months twisting, turning, and expanding into something completely different. Now your body has stretched itself as far as it can go to push out a human being. You. Need. REST. As much rest as possible and you can't exactly rest with a little one needing you literally every second to survive. Every mama needs help. We as women do not take that fourth trimester as seriously as we should. Whether that support system is your partner, family, or friends, make sure they know that the support doesn't end once that baby is born. That fourth trimester is probably when you need the most help.
Breastfeeding is HARD
No, because seriously, I don't know why no one told me this. My breastfeeding journey was tough. I really wanted to breastfeed but I had no idea that there were certain things your body needed to do to help things move along. There are so many things that you should NOT do, but if you're not told you have no idea you're doing something wrong. Breastfeeding is a topic in itself. If you guys want to hear more about that, let me know in the comments. I'm currently a certified breastfeeding peer counselor so, let me know if youre interested in the information. But just mentally prepare yourself and make sure you are informed about breastfeeding BEFORE baby comes.
Having a doula was one of the biggest blessings I had. What is a Doula? I'm glad you asked. A doula is essentially a birthing coach. Someone who helps you figure out the birth that you want, and then strives to help you achieve that goal as much as possible. They help you with what foods to eat, what stretches to do, breathing techniques, etc. They help you get ready for being a mother. They also advocate for you in the hospital, if need be. A lot of doulas even help with postpartum. Some clean for you, make your meals, wash your clothes, just so that you are getting the rest you need. My doula was amazing. She was essential in helping me get through the pain of contractions. I will say doulas can be on the expensive side. However, having a baby is expensive and I absolutely think it was worth the money. I 100% believe every woman should have a doula, whether you're doing an at-home birth, birthing center, or hospital birth. Every woman should have a doula if they can, ESPECIALLY if you're a black woman.
Blessings of Mommyhood
Being a Mommy
I couldn't even express how much I love this little girl. She is 7 months old and she learns something new every day. She is just so smart, sweet, and happy. She is so beautiful. The feeling of knowing she loves me like I love her is priceless. When we go any length of time without seeing each other, I can see it all over her face that she missed me. I can't tell you how much joy that alone brings me. Being a mother is probably the most beautiful thing I will ever experience. It is my favorite thing about my life. God BLESSED me, big-time man. I didn't think I'd be ready, I didn't know what kind of mom I would be. But having her and making her laugh and being that form of comfort that no one else can give is just life altering. I couldn't even imagine anything better. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of Motherhood.
A New Passion
Another blessing that came out of becoming a mommy; I am absolutely in love with the process of bringing a baby into this world. To clarify, I do not want to be an OBGYN. Not at all. No type of doctor lol. However, I do want to be a doula and certified lactation consultant. I think that mothers need more support in all aspects of bringing a child into this world. I think that as women we need to be more educated about our bodies and our babies. And I think that we need more people who support doing things in the most natural way possible when it comes to our babies. Not saying medicine isn't sometimes necessary or needed, because it is. But we should use it only when it is needed or necessary. We need more people who will support and empower women and remind them that we were made to nurture. Our bodies have everything we need. And I want to be a part of that movement. And I wouldn't know that at all without having gone through it myself. This was never something on my mind before having Grace. So I thank God for allowing me to have Grace so that I could find something I am truly passionate and on fire about.
Shout Out to all my Mamas. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are an inspiration. Keep doing what you're doing mama, you're doing great.
I know this was long lol. But Motherhood is a lot. Sometimes things are really hard, and sometimes I am in bliss. But I wouldn't change anything. Being a mommy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I stand on that <3
Gracie at 4 Months. Gracie at 6 Months.