Hey guys, welcome back to the blog :) GANG.
Okay, so here's the thing. I wrote this blog before August even started. I had the entire thing outlined, written, and scheduled. But it just didn't feel authentic, not even trying to be funny. Now recently I had a spiritual conversation with some of my friends. My friend has been going through many things that I have been through myself in the last year. We sat outside a restaurant for 2 1/2 hours and were all just pouring into each other. And it really just made me think about where I am right now in life. And I felt like God was telling me to do this. So I came to this blog post, deleted the entire thing, and decided to start over. So here we are.
Let's say for the topic's sake that there are four stages of spiritual growth: Planting, Rooting, Growing, and Blooming. We could add a couple of things in there like Watering or Weeding but we'll stick to the four for now. To give a short run down; Planting is where you would start your spiritual journey, deciding to give your life to Christ, recognizing who he is, learning what faith is and where that plays a part in your life, etc. Rooting is where you dig a little deeper. Learning to pray, reading the word more often, trying to spend time with Christ more, and include him in your life. Growing is that next step: applying it to your life. Things start becoming a routine, and talking to God becomes more natural, less of a task on your to-do list. Lastly, Blooming would be where you start to spread that spiritual beauty with others.
I would say I am somewhere in between rooting and growing. I have planted the seed in my heart; I know that I love Christ and I want to live for him and minister for him. I am currently trying to become rooted in the word and in the fundamentals of a relationship with God. I feel as though I'm progressing but I'm genuinely not sure if I need to do more rooting or if I'm in the growing stage. Mind you, you can never stop going through this process. This isn't a one-and-done type of thing. It's a cycle. You plant and root yourself in the word of God, you grow, you bloom, then you plant some more. Your garden will never be full and perfect until you reach the kingdom.
But anywho, I'd say I'm probably in the rooting stage. It just gets hard sometimes to stay consistent. And that stops me from getting to that "Growing" stage. I want to be in the word daily, I want to pray continuously, and I want to bring others to Christ. It just gets hard when the flesh is continuously fighting against the spirit. I'm human, I'm not perfect. And God knows that. I think that a misconception we have in our minds is that Christ expects us to be perfect. But Christ knows us and he knows our hearts. He himself is perfect, so trust me he knows that we aren't perfect. And he doesn't expect us to be. He just wants us to be genuine and intentional with our love. A lot of times God has forgiven us already, but we haven't forgiven ourselves for messing up. We stray away from God because we know we're doing things we aren't supposed to when that is the time we need him most. You don't have to be perfect to come to Christ. I think I stand in my own way of being where I want to be spiritually because I try to do everything by the book: read the bible, pray, and keep christ on my mind at all times. And as soon as I fall off I feel ashamed. I'm so focused on doing right that I'm stressing myself out and I'm not focused on love which is the reason for all of this. And that's exactly what my friend was saying today. I thought it was crazy that he had been going through something similar. It's amazing that we all go through similar things but we don't share them as we should so we can uplift one another. So that we know it's okay to be going through something, and that it doesn't mean God has left us.
Right now I am hoping to do a lot of different things to grow myself. Growing my spirituality is probably the most important thing on the list. I want God to tell me where to go and I follow. I think my biggest issue is that I am someone who 1) wants to help others at all costs. If I can pour into someone, I'll empty myself completely if it means that someone is going to get what they need. But I need to learn that that can be dangerous, and I have to limit myself. and 2) I absolutely HATE being alone. One pill that was hard to swallow is that you can't bring everybody up with you. Sometimes the people around you aren't ready to grow at the same rate you are, and that's okay. But what happens when you're the only one on fire about growth? It can turn into a real lonely path real quick. And I have battled with loneliness too many times. It has been a continuous uphill battle. It has gotten way better over the years. But I'm extremely cautious of anything triggering those feelings to come back up. And spiritually walking alone can be tough. So I'm always tryna have an accountability partner or some friends to do my devotions with or a group bible study to keep me in the word or something like that. But once someone else falls off, then I start to struggle. I can't be dependent on anyone else. I have to put on my grown woman pants and be the example. And if people are ready to come with me they will. And if not, they'll either come when they're ready, or they won't. Either way, I can't lose my salvation trying to help other people get theirs.
God has been working. I think he's been putting certain things on my mind and my heart trying to prepare me for what's to come. But whatever is coming I need to make sure I'm rooted deep in Christ and in his word. He says in Revelation 3:20 that he stands and knocks at the door of our hearts. And to anyone who hears his voice and opens the door, he will come in and dwell with them. He is there I just have to forgive myself and remember that his love is eternal and despite my many mess-ups, his love still remains true. I do not deserve that love, but I thank God for it.
" Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and them with me." - Revelation 3:20
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